by Bryan Renfro

     As I watched the movie "Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters", almost immediately I began to get a very specific feeling. A familiar feeling. An patriotic feeling? Well, maybe a little bit. But I do feel that this fairy tale movie is very different from most traditional versions. Instead of the run-of-the-mill European period piece. It's like someone took "that" movie, and then dropped a couple of rambunctious Americans into the tale. Thus... this movie had been Americanized!

     And yes, technically the actress playing Gretel is in fact English. But I'm not talking about the actors, I mean the characters. In fact, even more than the characters - the whole spirit of the movie feels as if it's been infused with the American mentality. (Which is even more odd considering this is the first English language film from Norwegian filmmaker Tommy Wirkola.)

     Want some examples of influences from the new world (which may or may not have even been discovered yet, depending how far back you trace this story into folklore)? Well from the get-go, our two main characters have an unruly way about them and obviously have problems with authority. The only thing greater than their flagrant use of profanity is their undeniable love of firearms. We see on a regular basis that a gun is the answer to all your problems and if you don't have one at hand... nothing works like hitting someone in the face! And what's more, there's an eerily familiar air of being endowed with the sense that you are undoubtedly right in all concerns... and that the evil doers must not only be stopped - but destroyed!

     Now many of the previously mentioned attributes could be viewed in a negative light. But when used in the right way... I'd say on occasion they come in pretty handy. In fact, it's just that rebellious attitude that made our country a world power in a short couple of centuries. Now by taking those type of cocky protagonists and dropping them in the middle of a fairy tale world, the movie filters out all the realistic grey areas that exist in our own world. In these storybook times, good and evil is a little more black and white. And your sense of right and ability to mercilessly kick-ass, is not only convenient - it's necessary. In that realm, the badass cowboy persona not only makes you seem cool, but also helps bring things full circle and delivers two heroes that fit perfectly in a classic battle with evil-doers.

     The other tone I got from this movie, was that it is sort of a buddy cop movie set in medieval times. (Again, what could be more American?) But basically, we have two rogue detectives that play by their own rules. Gretel... she's the level headed one, always trying to figure out the mystery. And Hansel, he's the loose cannon. Willing to put himself in harm's way just to stop the bad guy (or bad witch in this case). But never underestimate Gretel. She too is a wild card, and will deliver a good head butt if the situation calls for it. These two get themselves into crazy situations, all the while with a nonchalant attitude. Occasionally even throwing in a smart-ass comment or two, just for fun. But don't worry, these two are dedicated, and they'll bust this drug cartel... umm I mean, stop this coven of witches if it's the last thing they do! 

     Sure, at first I thought the whole idea for this movie was ridiculous. Ok wait... truthfully it is. Hansel and Gretel grow up to be witch hunters?! But the more I thought about it watching the opening segment, the more I realized, under the circumstances - it wasn't so preposterous.

     I mean, talk about your childhood trauma. First they are dumped in the woods by their parents, then trapped by a creepy, abusive witch. And when they turn the tables on their evil kidnapper, they end up burning her alive... and watching, mind you. I'd say all that is going to leave a few mental scars.

     Then they are orphans, abandoned in the world. Mentally damaged and left to fend for themselves. So... of course as they are fighting to survive and entering into their angsty teenage years - wouldn't they want to strike back against the wicked forces that started all this? And as a career choice, why wouldn't they fall back on the one skill they'd been practicing since they were children... kicking witch ass.

     Think the basic plot line is absurd?? Well, wait til you add in all the modern-day language and excessive gadgetry! Aside from the fact that Hansel has a wristwatch with an alarm on it, (to remind him to take his insulin shot, an addition to this plot that I found to be kind of genius), the duo are also locked and loaded with an arsenal of crazy customized weaponry that looks like it came straight out of "Wild, Wild West". Culminating in an item that can only be described as - a witch taser!? 

     So after all of this, you may just be saying to yourself... "This movie sounds dumb. Is it just dumb?" To which I answer with a resounding - hell yes it's dumb. But if you are sitting down to watch "Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters" and you are surprised that it's kind of dumb. Maybe you should rethink where the dumb actually resides. 

     But in the end there's one thing I can say that will override all the implausible plot points and silly modernizations of this story. There wasn't a moment I wasn't having fun with this movie! Seriously, I was having a blast every step of the way. It finds a way to put just the right spin on all the shenanigans, that somehow makes it work. Plus add in some creatively shot sequences along the way, and a script that turns out to be a little tighter than expected as all the key elements of the plot work themselves back into the story nicely. 

     And one thing I'm very relieved that they didn't do with this movie was try to make it family-friendly. Being based on a fairy tale, the studio pressure could have easily led this script down the banal path to general audiences. To skate the PG-13 line, and back off the horrific elements in an effort to cash in on a much bigger opening weekend. But this story doesn't need to be told that way. For it to work, it needs to fully embrace the violence. And that it does, with a playful sense of carnage makes it worth watching an outlandish story like this. In addition this movie reaps the benefits of having a decent budget. Which means all the witch makeup and random bloody effects - look good. And the (arguably) minimal amount of CG used looks pretty good as well, the best of which is a troll named Edward.

     The other thing a decent budget gets you is a cast of real actors. And that definitely helps make this movie far more acceptable. With a hacky straight-to-video cast, this type of project may have turned out completely unwatchable. But with Jeremy Renner and Gemma Arterton in the title roles, you get two leads that are confident and competent. They both deliver a serious enough attitude, that we can believe the characters could pull off the actions at hand. But both actors also seem to grasp what an entertaining property they have been handed - and proceed to just have fun with it. Jeremy Renner has become such a staple of blockbuster action movies in the last few years, that this really gives him a chance to show his lighter side. It works well enough, that I could actually see him pulling off a full comedic role if given the right script. And while I myself have been bewitched by Gemma Arterton in the real world, on-screen she has turned up in some big budget properties - but she's usually given little to do. It's great to see her take on a lead role, and she shows that she has the strength and charisma to carry her own films in the future. Plus I'll take a leather-clad, monster-killing Gemma over Kate Beckensale any day of the week!

     And I think Famke Janssen has been waiting most of her career to play the malevolent witch and main villain of this movie. She seems to revel in the darkness of her performance and actually appears more comfortable on-screen then in her previous more straight-laced roles. Plus anytime you can work Peter Stormare into a movie, even in a smaller role, it tends to be pretty enjoyable. 

     So I went into the movie expecting something like "Van Helsing", a movie with a somewhat similar theme that was universally despised. Instead, I felt like it edged itself somewhere near the neighborhood of "Army of Darkness". Now I know that is hallowed ground to geeks everywhere, so I certainly won't say it's quite at that level. But it is definitely striving for that playful mix of medieval fun and monstrous gore. Then just add in a little arrogant brutality emblazoned with the spirit of the good 'ole U. S. of A... and you are all set to have a good time watching this movie. And to that I say God Bless America! And Hansel & Gretel.